Episode Transcript
The need for solitude when making life changes.
Now I cannot emphasize enough the importance of setting aside some time on your own when you are trying to make changes in your life.
Now I'm not saying you have to go off out into the desert, okay, but you do need time and space on your own without distractions in order to integrate changes that you're trying to make in life.
This doesn't mean that you can't seek outside help, okay.
But think of it as if you're going out into the world, you're getting what you need, you're coming home and then you're integrating it.
Because when you're trying to change, you're actually trying to change the patterns.
And if you are constantly getting distracted by other people's patterns, it's going to make that, maybe not impossible, but it's definitely going to affect it.
And it's going to affect the patterns that you are creating and the integration of those patterns.
Now if you commit to a process of change, whether it's with DSA or otherwise, it doesn't matter what, there is an element of selfishness involved, okay, because it is about the self.
Make no bones about it.
Even if you are seeking help with your relationships or your work or any of that, it all comes back to changes that you're going to have to make.
Whether that's changes in what you do or how you communicate, these are all stemming from you.
Everything stems from you.
So you do have to change yourself first before you can make sort of changes with other people or with other aspects of your life.
Now this isn't a bad thing.
Being selfish when you are trying to change is not a bad thing because, yes, you're doing it for yourself first and foremost, but until you are functioning properly or to the best of your ability or in a way that you are happy with, you can't really be there fully for others.
I mean you know this yourself.
If you're having trouble with something, it's always in the back of your mind of are other people going to see it?
Are other people going to think badly of you?
And it's not because, it's not what they're thinking or what they might do or say.
It's you.
It's you wanting to change some aspect of your life.
Now if you allow others in at the wrong time, it can derail the whole process.
I'll give you a small example.
So I had a project that I was working on many years ago and I was going out and promoting it to different businesses.
And there was a lot of pushback and there was a lot of stuff I had to work out.
And I met this lady once and she asked about it.
She said, "What is it that you're doing?"
I said, "Oh look, I'm kind of just in the process of figuring it out.
So I'm not really willing or able to share it with others at the moment."
And she said, "Oh no, it's okay.
Go on, do it.
Tell me about it."
I said, "No, look, I'd rather not.
It's nothing against you.
It's just that I haven't fully formulated the entire concept yet.
And I'd be sort of doing myself and others a disservice if I tried to talk about it now."
And she said, "No, look, just trust me.
Give it a go."
I said, "Okay, look."
And I told her.
She said, "Oh, that won't work."
And I've come across this time and time again.
And it's not that she was wrong or she was a bad person.
It just wasn't where she was at.
She wasn't thinking about that.
So how could she possibly entertain this new set of patterns?
Because this is all about you.
When you are changing, it's all about you.
It's about you rewriting your story.
So DSA is how I rewrote my story.
But at the end of the day, you have to take it and then rewrite your own story.
And so it's going to be your set of patterns and your decisions and your agreements that are going to enable that change to happen.
If you start to take on other people's patterns, they're not going to fit.
And if they do, they're going to fit badly.
And if by some miracle they do actually fit and they do resonate, that's going to be one small pattern.
Like I said, when you commit to making a change, it's a big commitment.
And in order to make that commitment, you have to have two things.
You have to have trust and you have to make a decision.
So that trust has to be not a trust in other people.
It has to be a trust in yourself to make the right decision.
Trust is made up of two things.
Again, information and agreement.
You don't need other people's agreement.
You need to agree that something's right for you and then you make the decision.
You have to trust in your own decision-making abilities.
Half of the problems that we face are because we have taken on the beliefs, the patterns of other people, whether they're well-meaning or otherwise.
Now, a lot of those beliefs do come from our institutions and our society at large, but some of them come from the people closest to us, our parents.
We all know that there's certain aspects of our life that we do very differently to our parents.
And that's good.
That's how it's meant to be.
It's the evolving nature of life.
But I can't emphasize this enough.
If you are seeking to change, and we'll go into this in a lot more detail in DSA, but you're going to have to, like I said, rewrite your own story.
You're going to have to redefine your own reality.
I'm not talking about little bits and pieces.
I'm talking about the whole thing.
Okay?
In order to do that, it's a very selfish act.
And it's good because that selfish act is going to lead to a better you, a better version of you, or some aspect of you that is then going to radiate out to others.
So just give yourself permission to spend some time in solitude, to keep your ideas to yourself.
Let them percolate.
Let them formulate.
Let them come together and let those connections, as you get new perspectives and make new connections, let them strengthen before you go out and start talking to other people.
In fact, just let it come out naturally.
And I know this is going to be a bit tricky because you're going to get all excited.
And we'll talk about that as well within DSA, this chemical nature of change.
When these chemicals are released in our body, we get really excited and we want to put that energy into action.
So I'm going to show you a very different way to do it.
But just take the time that you need to explore your own reality and to decide whether you want or need to make changes.
And then explore the options that are available to you.
By all means, take people's opinions and considerations on board.
Just don't act on them straight away.
Write it down.
Let it spin around in your mind for a bit.
And then once you have all the information at hand and you agree with that information, you will get a level of trust that will enable you to make the right decision for you.
So give yourself the time and the space to explore the process of change, whatever change that is that you are looking to make.
Trust that you know what's best for you.
If you don't trust yourself, don't worry, don't stress.
We'll cover that inside of DSA.
Just remember, you're looking for your own truth.
No one else's, not even mine.
First and foremost, it has to make sense for you.
It has to resonate with you.
You'll get used to the feeling that's associated with this search for truth and what's right for you.
Which leads into, it has to feel right for you.
Those two things.
It's got to make sense and it's got to feel right.
The whole point of DSA is to teach you how to do that.
This leads to agreements, making small agreements.
You agree with something.
Agreements lead to connections.
You start to make these different connections within yourself and with the world.
And that leads to trust.
The more and more connections that you make, the more you trust yourself.
That trust gives you the ability, the increased ability to make decisions and better decisions.
And then you can commit to more.
It all works in together.
But for now, give yourself the time and space to explore the process of change.
